In a nuclear family, the mother plays a big role in building kids' mindsets. The family model Islam has taught its followers is actually this model so women also play a big role in determining the future generation.
This is a joke haha but really, those dads out there should treat mothers well because if not, they're going to talk crap about you in front of your kids.
Dads who treat mothers well would be highly loved by their kids. In fact, in Islam dads should act like this. Remember in surah al-Baqarah verses 233.
وَٱلْوَٰلِدَٰتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَـٰدَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ ۖ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ ٱلرَّضَاعَةَ ۚ وَعَلَى ٱلْمَوْلُودِ لَهُۥ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَا تُضَآرَّ وَٰلِدَةٌۢ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوْلُودٌۭ لَّهُۥ بِوَلَدِهِۦ ۚ وَعَلَى ٱلْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَٰلِكَ ۗ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَن تَرَاضٍۢ مِّنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍۢ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا ۗ وَإِنْ أَرَدتُّمْ أَن تَسْتَرْضِعُوٓا۟ أَوْلَـٰدَكُمْ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُم مَّآ ءَاتَيْتُم بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۗ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌۭ ٢٣٣
"Mothers may nurse [i.e., breastfeed] their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is their [i.e., the mothers'] provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity. No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child. And upon the [father's] heir is [a duty] like that [of the father]. And if they both desire weaning through mutual consent from both of them and consultation, there is no blame upon either of them. And if you wish to have your children nursed by a substitute, there is no blame upon you as long as you give payment according to what is acceptable. And fear Allāh and know that Allāh is Seeing of what you do."
Long story short, this ayah is infamous in the midst of mothers because it literally talks about "how to take care of kids", especially about breastfeeding.
A stressed and depressed mother could not breastfeed properly - yeah this is the truth, you guys could search for it scientifically, and experimentally? Yes. I know some people who could not produce breast milk because of stress (although it doesn't mean that mothers should be blamed because well, they could not control their internal body mechanisms. The milk is just... there... I suppose. And then suddenly stopped being produced).
But, but! This is true, stress is also a factor.
Could you imagine in this modern-capitalistic society where pregnant mothers could only get 3 months' holiday (civil servants! My fem cousin is one of 'em, a teacher paid by the gov.), and that they should go back to work after 2 months of baby caring?!
Well, well... It's not 2 years like in the Quran... It's 2 months.
Previously it was 5 or 6 months.
Economic stress, relationship stress, etc. accumulated and thus, it is not rare to find mothers with Baby Blues. What is wrong with society?
Dads on the other hand - according to that verses - should provide a good amount of nafakah (alimony; whether it's tangible or intangible) to the mother and kids. Mothers should not get stressed. Mothers are precious! Although, back to the matter, today's society could not provide the ideal with that whole variety of stresses.
What a Secular and Capitalistic society!
Also, a lot of kids got 'daddy issues' because they have... inconsiderate dads. Or that's what the impressions their mothers have built about their fathers.
We aren't just talking about broken-home families here. We're talking about THOSE families, in which mom and dad are still there with their kids, but have no connection - the dad, particularly, is very inconsiderate. It's a big contributor to stress and depression in mothers.
In some cases, mothers aren't just building bad images of fathers, they can also be abusive towards the children: verbally, physically, etc. to satisfy the anger mothers can't get pass their kids' fathers.
A lot of issues going on around here, huh?
Okay, let's add spices to this drama LOL!
In the midst of this 'tragedy', there are also these 'in-laws' who really get on the mother's nerves. But the inconsiderate dads never try to console the mother about his family matter. The hatred could build up even decades long!
And this is pretty much the scenario in my family.
Well, I gotta admit that my father's mother - that's my grandmother - is exceptionally antics. I dunno, this perception could be biased (probably because of my mothers' years-long stories on how fed-up she's with her influencing me), but this fact is actually pretty well-known. ALTHOUGH, I realize now that my grandmother has 'reformed' her character, to be a better person in her 70s.
No late is too late, right?
However, as I love my grandmother, I wish my dad could console my mother since 1999 about his mother's tendency to the other daughter-in-law (my aunt) and somewhat 'neglecting and verbally abusing' her, the daughter-in-law my grandma didn't really like at first.
My mom is great, but she's lived an emotionally hard life. She didn't like confrontation so she's been boiling down her emotion until it exploded like a presto pot.
You know, I could not imagine having this kind of partial mother-in-law. But well, Islam has taught me to be good to my parents. I might get angry sometimes, but I'd still play well, hoping Allah could soften her heart.
But I really wish my husband could always console me. At least saying sorry for her mother's behavior and 'thank you for taking care of my mom'?
Imagine how nice our family would be...
...
Planet Earth,
February
PS: I'm not married when I write this post.
Komentar
Posting Komentar